On Board with Vampires
by ALICEandra624
Summary: What if all the Cullen girls including teenage Nessie, go on a cruise around Alaska with no boys! What havoc will be caused? Will the boys fight back? Does the name Fifi serve Jacob's wolf form? Read to find out!
1. Bad News

**On Board**

**With Vampires**

A/N: Hey……………. This is ALICEandra634 and co-writer ,who is equally awesome, present you this story!

Co-Writer- That is not true… I'm more awesome.

ALICEandra624- Just show them the story. l: (

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Or any cruise lines.

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Ch. 1

**Perfect Day to Nightmare**

**Ten Days Earlier**

Jacob's POV

It all started when we were all watching college football minus Carlisle who was at work, Esme at Home Depot getting paint, darling Nessie was at her cottage, and Alice was upstairs doing God knows what. I was completely happy, but then the little pixie had to ruin it!

"YAY, YAY, YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Then the little pixie ran downstairs, out the door, then, circled the house at top speed. Bella got up and yelled, "ALICE!!!!" at the top of her lungs. We all turned around towards the window and saw the midget halt to a stop.

"Bella!" she yelled. She ran through the front door and tackled Bella to the ground.

'What the hell?!?' I thought.

Edward turned to Jasper and asked, "Is Alice on drugs?"

"Hey, that's my thing!" Emmett said indignantly.

Alice rolled her eyes at Edward. Then turned back to Bella and asked, "Guess what?"

"Get off of me!" Bella said, annoyed. She shoved Alice off. Then, Alice pulled Bella up with such force, she collided with the sofa and everyone on it fell backwards.

"Oops." Alice said and she giggled.

Edward turned to Jasper again. "Are you sure she's not on drugs?"

Alice ignored Edward again and walked to the other side of the sofa. She lifted the sofa with such strength, everyone was thrown off. She went over to Bella and outstretched her arm. Bella slapped her hand away.

"No more helping for you!" she said.

I pointed to myself and said, "Aren't you going to help me up?"

The pixie walked over to me and said a simple, "Nope."

Blondie got up and said in her usual annoyed tone, "This better be good Alice."

"Oh it is, my sister." Alice said diabolically.

Then, all of a sudden Edward jumped up and yelled, "YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"

"WHAT???????????????" Everyone (minus Alice and Edward) said in unison.

Alice finally spilled the beans, "WE'RE GOING ON A CRUISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Emmett yelled equally happy.

"WITHOUT BOYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Alice finished.

"YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Rosalie yelled. All the boys stared at her strangely.

"Hey, I need my "me" time. Emmett is already starting to rub off on me and I got to get rid of this dog stench, right?"

"That's disrespectful!" I retorted. "Well, Nessie and I will miss you all dearly."

"Uh... Jake… She's coming too." Alice said.

"She would never leave me!" I gasped.

Suddenly Nessie appeared through the door with five bags of hot pink luggage saying, "When do we leave?"

My jaw dropped. "Nessie?" I croaked. "You too?"

"Yes, Jake! Alice told me as she passed the cottage at top speed." Nessie cooed as she pinched my cheek.

"We're all being dumped dude." Emmett said patting my shoulder in a sympathetic way.

"How did this exactly happen?" Jasper asked.

"Well… Carlisle finally got tired of us wrecking the house-" Alice began but got interrupted by Bella who said, "You mean _you_ wrecking the house, then blaming it on me, Rosalie, and Nessie."

"Uh, no. It's your fault too." Alice said.

"How?" Bella asked.

"Remember that time you gave me the hammer that destroyed Emmett's room floor which caused him to fall through?" Alice said smugly.

"You told me you were going to stick a nail in the wall!" Bella shouted

"That was you?" Emmett said incredulously.

"Uh, no! Rosalie did that." Alice said.

"Rosalie, why did you do that?!" Emmett cried. I rolled my eyes.

"I – but – what – Alice!" Rosalie stuttered.

Alice ignored her and continued talking to Bella.

"What about when Rosalie deliberately gave me permanent neon pink paints that provoked me to paint Edward's favorite car?"

"You told me you were going to paint your closet!" Rosalie shouted.

Edward turned around in a flash and yelled, "_You _painted my car?!"

"Uh, no! It was Rosalie! Would I do that to my favorite brother?" Alice said eyes shining with hurt.

The "man of steel" gave in, turned to Rosalie and yelled, "Rosalie, why did you do that?!" I nearly broke out laughing.

"I – but – what – Alice!" Rosalie stuttered.

Alice, once again, ignored Blondie and continued questioning Bella.

"How about when Nessie gave me that red stained lip gloss on purpose so that I use it to vandalize the school?!"

"You told me you were going to use it on the poor tasteless misfits that don't know how to wear makeup!" Nessie said.

Poor naïve Nessie. It was just sad.

Out of nowhere the Cullen's school principal appeared and stormed to Alice.

"Alice Cullen! _You _did that?!"

"Absolutely not! It was Rosalie!" Alice said accusingly, pointing her finger at Blondie. I actually felt sorry for her. It was definitely not her day.

"WHAT!" Rosalie yelled. "Oh, sorry, **WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**"

"Rosalie, detention."

"She didn't even do it!" Emmett yelled.

"Emmett, detention."

"Seriously, she didn't-" Edward said before being cut off with,

"Edward, detention."

"Wait, how did you get in here?" Jasper demanded.

"Jasper, detention."

"He's right, how did you get in here?" Bella questioned.

"Isabella, detention."

"Hey, she didn't do anything!" Nessie yelled.

"Renesmee, detention."

"Looks like your principal learned a new word." I muttered.

"Jacob, detention."

"I don't even go to your school! And how do you know my name?" I yelled.

"Jacob, two days."

"He did nothing!" Bella yelled.

"Isabella, two weeks detention."

"Sweetie, just shut up now." Edward said through his teeth.

"Edward, three weeks for bad language."

"Hey! We're not even at school, you can't punish us." Jasper said.

"Jasper, one month detention."

"WHAT!!!! How come they got two weeks?"

"Jasper, four months."

"How did you get from one month to four?!"

"Jasper, six months."

"Are you kidding me?"

"Jasper, expelled."

"WHAT? Wait, at least I don't need to serve those detentions."

"Never mind, you still have six months detention."

At this point the stupid pixie was laughing her head off.

"No!!! Alice did this!" Rosalie yelled.

The principal ignored her and told Alice, "It must be so hard to have siblings who always blame you for their faults." She turned to us, "You should be ashamed of yourselves."

I went the principal and said to wait a moment. I grabbed Alice by the arm and pulled her into the next room. I spun her around and yelled, "Fix this!"

"Alright, alright, gosh. I'll fix this." Alice said.

We went back to the group and Alice broke down into fake sobs.

"What's wrong, perfect student of mine?" the principal said giving in like a sap to her lies.

"It's just that now I can't go on my skiing trip. You see, my wonderful parents promised me that if we were good we could go on vacation to the Swiss Alps. But, now since they have detention, we can't do that." Alice sobbed.

Suddenly, I felt a pang of sorrow for the little pixie even though I knew her words were complete lies and that she had caused all this. Evil little pixie!

The principal must have felt sadness too because she turned to us and said, "Alright, I shall remove the detentions, but take this as a warning and never vandalize the school again. Good day!" I blinked and she was gone. Creepy.

"How are you able to get out of problems like this?" Rosalie asked, for once being astonished.

"'Cause I have the gift of cute," Alice said.

"They never think of the gift of pretty anymore," Rosalie grumbled. "It's not fair!"

"Oh just go pack!" Alice shouted pointing upstairs.

"**YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" **Rosalie squealed, all anger at Alice evaporated.

This was what went from an awesome day to a nightmare, all to thanks to that stupid pixie!

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A/N: Hope you enjoyed our story and we hope you review. Por favor!!! That's Spanish for please.


	2. Hit Him Harder!

ALICEandra624: Hello, as you all know I am…

Co Writer: No one cares and more important I am her amazing co writer.

ALICEandra624: Hello, I think a bunch of people care!!!!!!

Co Writer: I think not.

ALICEandra624: Anyways sorry we haven't written in a while and sorry about my co writer, I just can't control her.

Co Writer: That better be some sort of weird compliment.

ALICEandra624: No it's not.

Co Writer: Well, anyways enjoy the story and check out our other stories if we get reviews we promise we'll keep writing.

Co Writer: Now come here you!

ALICEandra624: No! Never!!!!!!

Disclaimer: I DON'T own Twilight.

**Chapter 2**

**Packing**

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Alice's POV

I watched as Rosalie ran upstairs shouting, "We are going on a cruise without the smelly mutt!! This is gonna be great!!!!!!"

Suddenly I felt a vision coming; Carlisle was going to call in 0.5 seconds. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and answered before it had a chance to ring.

"Hi Carlisle" I said happily as I saw a glimpse of Rosalie circling the house at vampire speed yelling, "No mutt for a month!!!!!!"

I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, hello Alice I'm guessing you know why I'm calling," Carlisle said in a bored voice.

"Yup, Nessie and I are already packed."

"Is Bella?"

"Not yet, but I'll just throw a bunch of her clothes in a suitcase and she'll be ready."

"You will NOT!" Bella yelled.

"Oh, yes I will," Alice answered.

"Does Rosalie know?" Carlisle asked but before he could answer was cut off by Rosalie's yelling. I just held the phone out and put it on speaker so Carlisle could hear.

Rosalie ran down the stairs yelling, "YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE'RE GOING ON A CRUISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVEN YOU EDWARD YOU ANOYING MIND READING IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I STILL HATE YOU JACOB!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Hey Rosalie! Carlisle's on the phone!"

Rosalie ran over took, ripped, the phone from my hand and yelled, "I LOVE YOU CARLISLE AND YOU TOO ESME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She shoved the phone back into my hand and then hugged me "I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER EVEN IF YOU'RE SUPER ANNOYING, WHICH YOU ARE EVERY SINGLE DAY OF THE LIFE YOU ARE NOT LIVING!!!!!!!!!"

"If you still want to go on the cruise, I would be quiet."

"LIKE I SAID, LOVE YOU!!!!"

I put the phone back to my ear and said, "I think she knows."

"Well, we'll be there in 5 minutes, be ready."

"Don't worry," I put my hand on the phone and yelled, "Boys, get Bella's stuff ready!"

"What makes you think I'd do that?" Emmett asked.

"I won't totally trash every item you own"

"Good enough for me," Emmett said as he ran to the cottage.

"Don't you dare touch my stuff," Bella said menacing voice running behind him.

"How could you possibly be able to manipulate every person you come across?" Jacob asked.

"Years of practice," I answered. "We'll be ready," I said into the receiver before shutting it. This will be fun.

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Esme's POV

"Honey, are you really sure this is a good idea," I asked as soon as Carlisle got off the phone.

"At this point, I really don't care sweetheart, we will be financially ruined if I have to keep paying for everything Alice breaks, plus I'm sure they'll be fine."

"I know. I'm just worried about the OTHER passengers."

"That's a risk I'm willing to take." Carlisle answered. He slicked his hair back and winked in a… suggestive manner.

"Are you trying to seduce me?" I asked raising a delicate eyebrow at my husband.

"Depends… Is it working?" Carlisle teased as he hugged my waist.

I giggled and said, "Yes Doctor," as we pulled into the driveway.

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Jacob's POV

The house was full of movement and Alice was passing by putting her luggage near the front door. I heard Dr. Cullen's car pull into the driveway and Nessie ran outside yelling, "They're here! They're here!"

Suddenly, Nessie shrieked, "Daddy! Why is Carlisle eating Esme's face?!"

I could only imagine what Nessie was seeing right now.

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**Alice's POV**

As soon as I heard Nessie's exclamation, I was by her side. I was horrified by the sight before me. Esme was in Carlisle's arms, making out.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jacob turn into a wolf, thinking there was danger.

I covered Nessie's precious eyes and shouted, "CARLISLE!!!!" Out of shock, Carlisle let go of Esme and let her fall flat on her butt.

I continued my rant. "IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT WE HAVE TO KEEP NESSIE OUT OF THE HOUSE AT NIGHT DUE TO EMMETT AND ROSALIE, BUT NOW YOU TWO!!!!!!!!!"

If vampires could blush, my foster parents would have been beet red, and if vampires could puke, our driveway would have been full of vomit.

Nessie removed my hands from her eyes and said, "Aww! I missed it!"

Jacob came outside in his wolf form and I conveniently grabbed the metal rod next to me and began to hit him with it while yelling, "Oh no! The wolf ate Jacob!!! Bad wolf!"

Nessie giggled. "No, Auntie Alice, that _is_ Jakey."

I smiled sweetly. "No, Nessie, that's the wolf that ate Jacob."

Nessie turned to Jacob then back to me. Jacob looked at Nessie with pleading eyes and I gave her a reassuring smile. She grinned and squealed, "Hit him some more!"

"Whatever you say Nessie, whatever you say." I recommence the hitting of the dog. From inside I heard Rosalie shout, "Go Alice! Show that mutt no mercy! Hit him harder!"

Edward ran outside and attempted to grab the metal stick from my hand, but I hit him over the head instead.

"Don't hit Daddy!" Nessie yelled. Her tiny hands were balled up into fury fists just the way mine did.

I smile at her again. "That isn't Daddy," I said, "that's his evil twin, um… Fredward"

"Really Alice, Fredward, as if she'd ever believe you."

"Oh, I get it," Nessie said."Hit him harder!!!."

"Anything for you Nessie," I said as a continued to hit Edward.

Carlisle ran up the porch and took the rod out of my hands, "No more stick for you!" He grabbed my arm and pulled me into the living room.

"Wow, it's a good thing I'm a vampire or this would really hurt."

"Oh, it's gonna hurt anyways."

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ALICEandra624: Well did you love it!!!

Co Writer: You did didn't you!

ALICEandra624: I knew you'd love it.

Co Writer: Of course I half wrote.

ALICEandra624: Well anyway we've got the next chapter typed up so if we get enough reviews will publish it. PLEASE REVIEW!


	3. Sorry! author's note! :

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!!!!

A/N: I'm so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so (infinity so's later) sorry about my lack of updates. I guess I should explain myself:

School!!!!!! I love my teachers, but I don't have time to update. I have to keep my grades up if I want to get to a wonderful high school (ex. Mast Academy, La Salle, ect.)

Vacations! I love freedom and reading fanfiction on vacay. It's just how I do. Can't last a day without it. And I'm going to Colorado to ski mañana! Wish me luck that I don't fall of the mountain.

CoWriter and I can't meet up!!! Even though your favorite co-writer and I go to the same school, we have this thing where we basically have writing fanfiction as a taboo. (Weird, I know, but that's how life works! :P)

Those plot bunnies aren't biting hard enough!!!!!!!! ):3

I know that it will be hard to forgive me, but pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaassssse (doing pathetic puppy pout) do!!! I will update this month, I swear on the River Styx!!! I luv you guys!!!!!!!

ALICEandra624


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